Sometimes things shock me about how they are looked at by the average person, or the government. Not long ago I went to a Casino for the first time ever, and at the end of the night I was up about $25. I spent maybe 2 hours in there and had some fun.
What scares me though is when I was leaving the Casino…the same people I saw when I entered hadn’t moved, and I could tell almost all of them hadn’t won anything.
I was tempted myself… I kept saying you will only make money if you bet big… but when you bet big and lose… you want to win it back… so you bet bigger to make it back… and lose until you eventually win and feel what it is like only later seeing your win of $10 is nothing on the $50 you spent before it.
Then you have people who try to beat the Casino. It is a hard known fact that it is almost impossible to legitimately beat the Casinos, but people try… and succeed to. But why is it that the people who are smart enough to beat Casinos get imprisoned and the company whose living is made from ruining peoples lives… isn’t.
I never heard anyone say they walked into a Casino, won something more then maybe $100 and then left. People rarely have that. Normally the very few big wins are just funding for that person’s addiction, and make their way right back to the Casino.
It would seem as if I have found my lifes rutt; “Already?” I say. I got out of high school and straight away I had gotten lucky with my job as I became a longshoremen. It is a superb job, no questions about that, but things have seemingly plateaued already. I wake up, fight traffic, work, drive home, sleep, and repeat. It is fairly common up until my days off. When most people are hanging out with friends or doing whatever it is they love, I am at home, sleeping in for far too long or not really doing anything unique or productive to myself. You may say “Why not before/after work hang out with friends?”… I typically work from 4:30 pm til 1:00 am… I wake about about 1:15 pm so I can get to my works dispatch on time, then obviously head to work itself. Waking up early means I am tired and most of my friends are at school or work, whilst after work is limited because most people are too tired to do anything at that time. It is a little difficult. On top of that, I always want a day off, yet never seem to make the most of them in any way better then if I had just gone to work instead.
Is this where my life is going to stay for a while? I mean sure, I have goals, but attaining them seems near impossible. I have few hobbies which can occupy me to long and what I would call the source of my problem, a girlfriend; Well, I should say “My lack of a girlfriend”. I am yet to determine whether this desire for a relationship is what makes my life feel empty or not… perhaps I need a larger dose of my meds and nothing is the problem: I haven’t a clue but it has felt like this a fair while now.
My favorite times are the ones which stray from the norm of a typical ‘goody two shoes’. I don’t call myself a rebel, but I have more open morals in some ways especially compared to what my parents would like me to be. I am Atheist, and my parents are Christian. I don’t mind going to a club and getting smashed now and then: They do. I don’t mind if I meet a random girl at that club and start making out with them: My parents do, and I don’t mind having sex before marriage, hell, even before things are really serious (I am a guy for f*** sake), my parents probably would mind though.
I have to hide from them when I hang out with a girl because I feel they will simply assume I am that person I play myself off to be when really… I just want to live as a teen while I am one.
Yet I still feel a small urge to make them happy with what I do, and for some reason… I choose to do that by hiding what I do most the time…. man this is weird.
Ideas? Thoughts? Please…
It is what we relax in after a long nights work, what we use to escape the rain and rejoin comfort in warmth and comfort. In the summer is cools you down, and in the winter heats you up. It is always waiting for you with patience, no matter where you are or for how long. We put our life in its hands knowing it will keep us safe. From good times talking with friends, or just listening to a good song. Whether you are feeling good or feeling blue it never minds. It makes things just right for you without question and gets you where you need to be.
The car is an amazing thing.