In a jealous depression.

Lately I have found myself progressively feeling more and more alone, and, if it weren’t for the antidepressants this would be the usual however not the case anymore. I believe that I have uncovered something about myself that I may have been repressing. I have found that when one of my… uhm… ex-friend/ex-girlfriends has something that I do not, I become more lonely progressively. I feel like I am not wanting myself to fall behind someone who I put behind me on every scale and as a result of events that do such, I neglect this fact and become more alone in my thinking.

I really need to begin to look more at the things that little b**ch lacks opposed to myself, maybe then I will begin to repress happiness marvellously.

Nights like this…

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Photo taken by Eric Gray on a Nexus S.

It is beautiful might like this when I look outside the window at all the snow and ponder all of life’s questions and all of my personal questions. It is these questions that I may want to think about, may not want think about, may want to avoid and may dread the thought of. But they all come.

I do care what people think…

I think that every last friend I have is close to a certified dumb-ass when they say things they find true: By that I refer to people who say they are not at all influenced by other people. If I have a briefly withstanding friendship with someone, I will often let this slide, it is the kind of thing that I can only judge once I know how the person thinks and acts. Sarcastically speaking, I was shocked to find 90% of these people were liars.

I sometimes casually ask what seems to be an innocent question of “Why” and a lot of times, it is to see if they do or don’t answer “I don’t know” in which case is definitive to me as to if they are or not. I let it by occasionally for sometimes we may not really know, but honestly most times, it only further proves a already answered question I asked of who they were. Take it like my own personal secret of how I analyze people sometimes.

Now I ask why does asking the question ‘Why’ in specified cases show your drive to do so well lets take the most basic approach that most girl-like-girls fall to 24/7. Clothes. Some girls say “This is SO cute” when you ask why they chose to wear something certain or uniquely different from their norm and they may not be lying, but they are still telling only half the tale to say so. They may feel it is “cute” when they saw it but most likely they only thought so because other people would find it cute there fore she feels pressured to agree and amazingly adapts to it almost immediately upon recognition.

Say it all you like but to me it won’t make a moments difference until you show you don’t. If you don’t care what people think, then DON’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK, you should be a totally uncensored person, you shouldn’t stop and think about what to say, you shouldn’t stop and think about what to wear, and you shouldn’t stop and think what if people knew about this? To those of you who do this, open yourself up and feel the freedom! It doesn’t come as a waft of air but as a welcoming arm to be who you feel you truly